Have you ever gone to scream, only to open your mouth and have no sound come out? I think that's how I feel right now, and I think that's why I've retreated into writing.

Before I begin:
I love you. I know that things might be hard right now, and no one has a right to tell you that you don't deserve to feel or not feel exactly how much you feel right now. People will heal in their own time. Right now, unconditional love feels a bit like a radical act. Embrace it.

Now, on to the harder parts of this. If you have poured your heart into this election, let me first say that this is not your fault. The forces of complacency and white supremacy and hatred in this country won out, but this is not. your. fault. This loss does not rest on the backs of folks of color or women or marginalized communities, and this is not your fault. When you are ready to join the fight, there will be space. Until then, take care of yourself.

I'm still trying to process some pieces of this. I didn't want to believe that the worst parts of this country could come together in such a way to let this happen - but I also know that for a lot of folks, this is nothing more than a harder version of a battle they've been fighting for a long time. You have a right to lay down your armor, even just for a minute. I will try to protect you while you do.

I don't have a coherent plan, just a collection of thoughts and feelings and a newly-invigorated desire to fight hard and love harder in the face of a lot of darkness. Hold each other close.

Thinking

I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things these days. Like the fact that Planned Parenthood is turning 100, and reconciling a century of complicated but powerful history. Like anxiety and mental health and navigating a complex landscape of illness and wellness. Like the election and the work to still be done. Like how I've been thinking about how most women can point to a very young age when they first realized that men thought they had a right to their bodies. I've been thinking about a lot. I'm hoping to be able to make that coherent in the coming weeks.

Why You Shouldn't Vote for Gary Johnson (A Listicle)

This was originally the text of an email, but it seemed worth sharing.

1. He's only sort of pro-choice.
"Life is precious and must be protected. A woman should be allowed to make her own decisions during pregnancy until the point of viability of a fetus." (source: Johnson's 2012 campaign site, by way of ontheissues.org (a nonpartisan non-profit)). It should be noted that "viability" is a term that's disputed in the medical community and is typically used to be deliberately vague, but is often used to prop up 20-week bans.

Also: "I would have signed a bill banning late term abortion" (source:  2011 GOP Primary Debate)

2. He's opposed to the federal minimum wage.
Not raising it. The minimum wage. (source:http://secure.isidewith.com/candidate-guide/gary-johnson# Submitted by Johnson himself)

3. He supports Citizens United and opposes restrictions on campaign spending by corporations.
"Yes, any restriction on campaign spending violates the first amendment" (source)

4. When he was governor of New Mexico, the state's debt increased by almost $3 billion.
(source)

5. He vetoed early release of nonviolent offenders when serving as governor of New Mexico but is running on a platform of decriminalization to decrease the prison population. 

(sources:
"As governor, a highly-publicized bill was coming through the legislature, which would have allowed early release of prisoners due to overcrowding. When the bill passed, I vetoed it...Some representatives (including a few who were potential allies for me) were outraged because it made them look soft on criminals."(source)

"How is it that the United States, the land of the free, has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world? The answer is simple: Over time, the politicians have “criminalized” far too many aspects of people’s personal lives...These factors, combined with the simple fact that we have too many unnecessary laws, have produced a society with too many people in our prisons and jails, too many undeserving individuals saddled with criminal records, and a seriously frayed relationship between law enforcement and those they serve." (source: Johnson's campaign website))

6. He's opposed to mandatory vaccination.
I know this isn't an issue for everyone, but it's a big red flag in my book. (source: Johnson's Twitter)

7. He prides himself on viewing government the same way as Ayn Rand. No really, he wrote about it in Seven Principles of Good Government. "Overall, I think I view big government in the same way that the novelist and philosopher Ayn Rand did--that it really oppresses those that create, if you will, and tries to take away from those that produce and give to the non-producers."

8. He simultaneously supports "increased oversight" for fracking and "deregulating the energy sector," which to me seems contradictory. (source)

9. His 2012 platform supported a 23% national sales tax and the elimination of the IRS. 

As a reminder: sales taxes as the sole form of taxation are regressive taxes that most impact those who are already financially disadvantaged.

(source)

10. He's opposed to the Affordable Care Act (source) and the requirement that insurance companies provide birth control coverage. (source)

Other notes: He opposes any restrictions on firearms (source); He believes in climate change but no measures to stop it (or rather, only free market interventions) (source); I, for one, find his foreign policy underdeveloped and kind of incoherent (source, other source)

And a few reasons you might still like him: He says that banning immigration for religious reasons is unconstitutional (it is); He supports gay marriage; He supports the legalization of marijuana; He supports term limits for congressmen and opposes Voter ID laws; He's pro-space travel (Space!)

That being said, I don't think the pros outweigh the cons.