On Yoga Pants and Rape Culture

As someone with "legs for days" (to quote some of my best friends), I always struggled to find shorts that did not violate the school dress code growing up.  I think this may have played into my insistence on wearing jeans year-round...I got used to being told my legs needed to be covered.

In the wake of a rash of yoga pants-bans in high schools, I really got to thinking about school dress codes.*  And in the wake of a subreddit that asked rapists for "their side of the story," I got to thinking about rape culture and victim blaming.**  And thinking about the two together got me...angry.

Let me preface this by saying that there is nothing wrong with telling your son or daughter what they can and cannot wear, especially when they are children.  Determining what is and is not appropriate clothing to wear to school, work, or outside the home is a conversation that parents should absolutely have with their children, and is a decision that should be reached based on a child's age, comfort level, body type, economic status, etc.  There is nothing wrong with this.

There is also nothing inherently wrong with having a dress code in place which defines what is and is not allowed to be worn on school grounds.  Offensive clothing, clothing that violates public decency laws, clothing that is dangerous (I actually totally support flip flop bans) are absolutely a problem in schools.  However, the problem comes in when it comes to how these issues are approached, explained to students, and justified in the code of conduct.

Yoga pants or my shorts do not violate a dress code because they are dangerous.  They are written into the rules because they are "distracting" and you "don't know how they'll affect the boys."  And this is where the problem comes in.  Because a society that starts out by telling a twelve-year-old that she cannot wear a particular kind of sweatpants because the shape of her butt is going to force the boys to stop paying attention doesn't stop there.

It becomes the same culture that tells a girl in Steubenville, Ohio that the fact that she was repeatedly raped by two young men was her fault because she should have known that getting drunk around boys was going to put her in a bad situation.  It builds into a culture where what she's wearing and the fact that she's drinking mean she's a "whore" who was "asking for it" and should have been charged for underage drinking.***

There is nothing wrong with having a discussion with your kids about what is age-appropriate or appropriate for certain settings when it comes to clothing.  But the second you start to contextualize that discussion in the realm of "how will it affect the others," you play into a culture that normalizes sexual assault.  Someone's inability to control their own actions is their fault and their problem, no one else's.

Yours,
Rachel Leigh

*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/09/leggings-ban-kenilworth-junior-high-california_n_3046043.html
**http://jezebel.com/5929544/rapists-explain-themselves-on-reddit-and-we-should-listen
***http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/23-people-who-think-the-steubenville-rape-victim-is-to-blame

On Dumb Culture

Now, I'm generally not a fan of calling attention to people with rocks for brains, mostly because I think stupid people get too much attention anyway.  However, in the aftermath of a stunningly incoherent speech about women, education, men's inherent leadership role, and job creation from Miss Utah in the Miss Universe pageant and the incredibly disheartening news that Sarah Palin will be entering the network news circuit as a political commentator (admittedly on Fox News, but that's still more viewers than she should be getting), I need to speak up.

I am all for female role models.  We definitely need more of them.

But, for the love of all that is good in this world and for the sake of creating a better future for the next few generations of girls, can we please stop treating ignorant, uneducated women as something endearing or desirable?

We have a culture that says that women are bad at math and science, despite repeated studies that show that the gap in performance occurs over time, as girls LEARN they aren't supposed to be good at math and science.  We discourage women from entering leadership roles, and those who do are often met with sexism and criticism of their mental and emotional capabilities in their role.  And, despite the continued push for empowering female education, we still hear things like "My boyfriend thinks I'm too smart for him" (vlogbrothers video) or "'If smart guys like dumb girls and dumb guys like dumb girls, what do smart girls get?' 'Cats, mostly'" (Modern Family).

Glamourizing and promoting the idea that it's "cute" for a woman to be ditzy or ignorant makes intelligent girls feel like their intelligence is a hindrance -- something to be ashamed of and hidden if they ever want to be loved or taken seriously.  But what good does it do for society to teach half the population that, if they're good at something, they should try and hide it?

Ignorance isn't cute.  It isn't funny.  It's sad, it's an insult to our education system, and it's really bad for the way girls see themselves.

Angrily yours,
Rachel Leigh

On Aunt Flo and Things We're Not Supposed to Talk About

We're going to talk about something that's going to alienate my male readers for a bit.

Periods.

And that is precisely why we're going to talk about them.  Because we don't talk about them.  Because half the world's population has them or has had them.  And they're perfectly natural and normal and, y'know, actually a good thing for your body, and women are expected to treat them like a dirty little secret.

I watched a video the other day about stupid things women have to deal with, and one of the things it mentioned was having to sneak a tampon to the bathroom.  I'll be the first to admit, I'm embarrassed to have to buy "feminine hygiene products"...especially from a male clerk.  But my question becomes why?  Why is there a taboo against a natural, healthy, normal thing?  Just because it's a little gross?  Yeah, well, so are farts, but it's something you can't control and, I've noticed, most guys don't feel bad about doing in public anyway.

Now, I am by no means saying you have to love your period.  Is it a great sign that everything's hunky-dory in your endocrine system?  Absolutely.  In fact, it's a great indicator that you're eating right, your ladybits are all in order, and that you're not too stressed, as any of those can affect the frequency or heaviness of your period.  But, let's be serious, periods can really suck.

Aside from having to spend several days crafting schemes to somehow get everything you need into the bathroom without anyone noticing, there's all the crazy stuff that happens to your body.  I had a (male, obviously) friend once tell me that there has been no medical link found between PMS hormones and mood swings (and that therefore the mood swings are all in your head).

My response was to look him in the eyes and tell him that, even if that were true, there are plenty of not-in-our-head reasons for mood swings on your period.  PMS hormones cause bloating, fatigue, bizarre food cravings, headaches, breast sensitivity, cramps, nausea, and a whole host of unfortunate physical happenings.  So, no, maybe my emotions are not directly impacted by the change in hormones.  But tell me how you feel when you're sore and tired, feeling fat because your clothes don't fit right, and still can't stop yourself from craving potato chips.  Like I said, periods suck.

But just because they suck and are maybe a little bit gross doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about them.  It's just another one of those things we're taught not to talk about because it's not polite -- but then how do you know what a warning sign is for when something isn't right?  Period problems can get really out of hand, and it's important that we be okay enough as a society that when a girl's health is at risk, she isn't ashamed to talk about the fact that it's her time of the month.  Also, it would be nice to not have to bring my purse to the bathroom every day for a week.  Thanks.

Your Friend (the PMS Tiger (great meme, look it up)),
Rachel Leigh

On Take Back the Night

As I take a break from taking notes on why Paul Feyerabend thinks we should throw method in science out with the bathwater, I want to talk about Tuesday night.

Tuesday, April 9th at UR was Take Back the Night.  For those of you who don't know what Take Back the Night is, it began in Philadelphia in the 1970s in response to the problems that women face walking alone at night.  Women are taught to fear the dark and the things that go bump within it, and Take Back the Night is intended to empower women and reclaim what has repeatedly been taken away.  It is primarily a sexual assault/rape awareness campaign, and at UR involves an open-mic style speaking event and a candlelight vigil.

It is a really moving event, but I think more than anything what I love about Take Back the Night is the extent to which it 1) puts a face to the idea of a survivor of sexual assault and 2) forces you to look at people as whole, complex individuals who have faced things and have proven themselves to be extraordinarily strong in the face of something that breaks a lot of people.  I know that I, personally, have this overwhelmingly powerful reaction whenever I see someone now who I have seen speak at TBtN in the past.  It is a combination of sympathy, empathy, and respect, sadness for what they have gone through, and pride for the strong and wonderful people they continue to be in spite of it.

I was heartbroken to see the sheer number of women who are a part of my daily campus community who went up to speak about something that no one should have to face and extraordinarily impressed and inspired by the number of strong, brave, beautiful women who refuse to let their rapists, stalkers, abusers, or scars define them.

I am proud to know you.  I am proud to fight with you.

Yours,
Rachel Leigh

On My Plans for Valentine's Day

This week is the Vagina Monologues, which in addition to being a great time with an amazing group of women, is one of my favorite times of the year because it allows me the opportunity to make people extraordinarily uncomfortable by yelling at them about vaginas.

 Now, the reason I enjoy making people uncomfortable by yelling at them about vaginas is not simply because I like making people uncomfortable.  The fact is that I like pointing out the ways in which your discomfort doesn't make sense.  The word "vagina," and the legions of college girls yelling about them in the Student Commons, are considered weird or offensive because we are taught from a very young age that vaginas and the things they do and the things they're used for ought to be shameful and secretive.  All you need to know to know that is to look at the ways a girl will go out of her way to hide the fact that she's on her period -- which is, y'know, entirely out of our control and completely natural.

So girls are taught that our bits are supposed to be secrets that ought to be kept quiet, out of sight, and out of mind.  But while it's weird and disconcerting for women to be tabling about their vaginas (and, more honestly, about the violence which is perpetrated against those people who possess them), it's totally fine for men to be yelling about testicular cancer or to draw penises in public.  But people see our weird emoticon-vaginas on our posters and think they're creepy and wrong.

{( )}

For the record, they look like that.  Is that weird?

So, yes, I will continue to yell at you, professor who is refusing to make eye contact, about the wonders of vaginas and the things we say about them and the things we don't say about them (the things that lead to illness and violence because we're AFRAID or ashamed to talk about them), because I want to force you to think about why exactly the most quintessential piece of female human anatomy should be seen as creepy or wrong.  I mean, yeah, I get that they're all flaps and doo-dads, but I'll keep yelling about them Until the Violence Stops.

Yours in Vagina-Love,
Rachel Leigh

For the record, any one in the area of the University of Richmond, the show is the 13th, 14th, and 15th in the Pier (Tyler Haynes Commons) at 9 pm. You can get tickets, t-shirts, or chocolate vagina lollipops in the Commons every day.

On The Right to Slut

Four days ago, a blog post surfaced called "What the Right Doesn't Get About Elections."  I am not going to link you to it, mostly because I don't want the asshat's blog to get any more traffic than it already has.  What I will tell you is that The Guardian, Gawker, and Jezebel have all done response pieces that use actual excerpts from the post, and you should go find those.

Basically, what the post explains is that Romney lost because Barack Obama won the "Slut Vote," young, unmarried women.  These young, unmarried women take birth control, get breast exams and cancer screenings from Planned Parenthood, support their own or other women's rights to have dominion over their own uteri, are poor black women, rich white suburban brats, and single mothers.  And they want the government to pay for their "right to Slut."

Now, we've talked a bit about Slut Shaming here before, but let me reiterate what it means, despite the fact that it is not the main purpose of this post.  Slut shaming is the idea that a person's worth can be inversely correlated with the number of people they have slept with -- that the more partners or pre- or extra-marital encounters a person has, the less they deserve to be treated like a person.  This contributes, in large part, to the disgusting societal idea that a woman who is not a virgin cannot really be raped, that she "was asking for it."  Slut shaming is a problem.  A person's sexuality does not determine their worth.  You totally have a Right to Slut, if that is what makes you happy and seems like the right choice for you.  You also have a Right to Abstain, if saving yourself until marriage is something that really matters to you.  A person's sexuality, regardless of how it coincides with your personal beliefs, does not determine their worth as a person.

What we're really here to discuss today is Mr. "bskillet"s ideas of what defines a slut.  He points to women who are young and unmarried, because "older and married women vote Republican."  Clearly, every unmarried woman is a slut who wants the government to subsidize her promiscuity.  Despite the fact that many unmarried women either abstain or only have a single partner before they marry.  But clearly, SLUTS AHOY.  He goes on to say that poor, black women voted for Obama because he supports their rights to get government handouts for the babies they kept and have the government pay for the babies they didn't want.  The fact that this disgustingly frames all poor, black women as baby-machines that want to do nothing more than have sex and pop out children so the government will pay for them apparently eludes this man.  I also wonder if he's ever met a black woman or if he's only heard from Fox News about what they're like.  Actually, I'm just going to expand that to all women.

And theeen we get into my favorites: all women who take birth control or go to Planned Parenthood are irresponsible, promiscuous, rich, white brats.  The majority of Planned Parenthood's work includes important medical services like breast cancer screenings.  Last I checked, tumors don't care whether you're male, female, sexually-active, or celibate.  And free breast exams are the best kind of breast exams.

So not all women who go to PP are whores, but of course, why would you take birth control if you weren't slutting it up all over the place?  Well, aside from those women who, again, only have one partner but aren't ready to be parents, married women who are still on the pill because, again, they are unready to be parents, and girls who are exercising their perfectly healthy right to control their own sexuality without the risk of pregnancy?  Medical necessity.  The most common treatment for ovarian cysts?  Hormonal therapy - also known as birth control.  Debilitating cramps that leave you out of work or school for days?  Birth control.  Severe migraines?  Some doctors will suggest birth control.  Abnormal periods?  Birth control.  Bad acne, hair loss, breast sensitivity?  All can be treated with birth control.  There's this funny thing about birth control in that it contains large doses of estrogen and other synthesized female hormones -- which means that it's often exactly the right thing to fix whatever lady-problem you might be having.  None of these are problems that "putting an aspirin between your knees" is going to fix.

The takeaways here: not all women are sluts, there's nothing wrong even if they are, and the far Right REALLY needs a lesson in how birth control actually works.

Yours (But Still Entirely Mine),
Rachel Leigh, proud member of the apparent "Slut Vote"

On "Because I'm a Psycho"

I swear, if you looked up "Crazy Cat Lady in the Making" in the dictionary, there would be a definition something along the lines of "Perpetually single, slightly demented girl in her early-to-mid-20s with an unnatural obsession with cat videos on the internet and next to no social skills."  Next to this brilliantly-worded entry, you would find a picture of my face and a nice little "See Also" tag.

But, even this crazy cat lady has a wedding board on Pinterest and like six seasons of "Say Yes to the Dress" in her Netflix queue.  And that got me thinking... Why?  I can understand why women who are deeply, soundly in love with someone might start dreaming about their future wedding day.  But what prompts the rest of us, the girls for whom the prospect of a future wedding may actually be what most people consider laughable, to fantasize about these things?

Is it some sort of way of filling in the gaps in our lives?  Is it the manifestation of years of brainwashing by Disney princesses who want nothing more than to be married and live happily ever after?  Is it because we're actually planning these elaborate weddings so we can one day marry those 20 cats that we're probably already on the road to having?

I honestly wish I had an answer.  But, in all honesty, I don't even understand it in myself.  Said Pinterest board is sub-titled "Because I'm a Psycho," so clearly I think it's as nuts as everybody else does.

Confusedly yours,
Rachel Leigh

On Holding it Together...and Faking it When You Can't

Do you ever have one of those days?  One of those days where literally nothing from the moment you wake up goes right and you're pretty sure that if someone looks at you the wrong way, you'll probably either scream, cry, vomit, or potentially all three at once?

This is not to say that today was one of those days, but god, do I have those days.  Waking up feeling like there are small jackhammers taking turns at the inside of your skull and knowing that no amount of sleep will ever make this better.  Going to class and getting an assignment back only to realize you completely bombed it.  The dining hall's bad and it's raining and if you had the opportunity to just fast-forward through this day to the next one, you would take it in an instant.

Well, thankfully, I've developed some coping mechanisms for days like these...as well as some ways to at least appear like you're coping.

1. Comfort Food:  This is no new discovery, but there are very few things in the world that comfort food can't at least make infinitesimally better.  I'm a big fan of soup and grilled cheese.
2. Caffeine: I may hate today.  I may want to punch the sun for being out when I'm in a bad mood.  But a little caffeine kind of forcibly perks you up.  It's hard to stay angry when there's liquid chemical happiness energy coursing through your bloodstream at roughly twice your normal heart rate.  It kind of makes me want to go run a mile or six.  Haha, I lied, nothing makes me want to run six miles.
3. Dress Up: No really.  This is my go-to way to push through when I feel like absolute crap.  At the very least, other people will THINK you feel awesome, and the positive energy that you get back from that will help.  Plus, inside tip -- dresses are the best thing ever.  They always look put-together and all you have to do is take them off the hanger and put them on. Also, sunglasses.  Learn it.  Love it.

So that's how I survive.

Holding it together,
Rachel Leigh

On NEDA Week

This past week was Eating Disorder Awareness Week, and Active Minds (which I have definitely talked about before) as a national organization supported NEDA’s mission to raise awareness of the prevalence of, and health risks associated with, eating disorders.  This led to an interesting dialogue with one of my friends, whose first reaction (well, second, after he offered to buy me curly fries) was that he was tired of everyone saying that society is the problem.

(image credit: National Eating Disorders Association, 2009)

I mean, don’t get me wrong, society’s image of what people should look like is really screwed up.  The media does put up these generally-unattainable, Photoshop-happy photos and images of girls with waists the size of pill bottles and men with muscles larger than their heads.  And, fun fact, because these images are disseminated into society, these highly unrealistic expectations of normality ­become what people perceive as “normal.”  And, for the love of god, do not get me started on Barbie unless you want the same regurgitated list of fun facts about what a little girl’s first toy does to her sense of body image.

And yeah, the media’s presentation of body image has a lot to do with the development of eating disorders.  But it’s not like we deal with it exactly right either.  Because then the first response is always “you’re perfect just the way you are,” which is absolutely true for a lot of people.  But the United States IS facing an obesity epidemic, and that’s not healthy, either.  Obesity leads to diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and a whole other host of serious medical problems, and that’s not good.

The problem is that in both cases, the focus is on image and not health.  There are healthy and safe ways to lose weight, get in shape, build muscle mass, etc.  But the emphasis on the one hand is that those ways won’t have the same drastic change to your image that disordered eating or over-exercising will.  But on the other hand, emphasizing that everyone is perfect is again about an image.  All bodies are beautiful, I will absolutely agree – the human body is an amazing and beautiful thing, regardless of its size or shape.  But beauty and perfection aren’t the same thing.  But if you’re trying to change things about it, it should be because you want to be healthy, not because you want to look different.

A healthy mindset is all about loving your body because it’s YOUR body and it’s an absolute miracle regardless of how it looks…but loving your body means taking care of it, staying in shape, treating it right, and giving it what it needs.  I’m all for self-improvement, but only if it’s healthy.

Yours (with thighs that touch),

Rachel Leigh