On...March?

So March is almost over and I have to say that it has passed like the most agreeable March I've ever witnessed. Weather-wise, I mean. The month has a reputation for "going in like a lion and out like a lamb," so the first few weeks are meant to be terrible. I have to say, with the exception of some rain and snow (which hit, might I add, this weekend, so it's not like it was at the beginning of the month), the month on the whole has been fairly warm and sunny and beautiful. I really appreciate it. It made the Rita's-hopping on the first day of spring (FREE WATER ICE) much more enjoyable than it would have been if it had been gross and rainy. Not like that would have stopped us. It just wouldn't have been as fun.

I guess that's really my only thoughts on March as a month. Other things that have happened in March -- getting waitlisted by two awesome schools (but accepted by one awesome one, so yay!). I guess that kind of sucked, especially because I kind of thought I was a lock for one of them. :( I really liked it, too, and it would have been a great school for my major, but I'm not really a huge fan of being waitlisted. Oh well. I'll live.

MIT released their college decisions at 1:59 on March 14. Really, only MIT would do that. 3/14 1:59 (3.14159 being pi). It's such a dorky school. I kind of wish I had applied, just for that. Not that it would have made sense with my major.

Soon it will be April and I will be one step closer to graduating and moving on with my life. I'm really excited about this fact. Until then...

Marching onward,
Rachel Leigh

On Politics

Someone on Formspring (www.formspring.me) asked me why I am a democrat. I thought my answer would be relatively brief and glib, but it turned out to be rather long and in-depth. So, I decided to post it here. Please note that the individual issues are stated in Reader's Digest-form, since this is mostly just laying out the basic premises of my belief system.

Well, really, I'm not. As I've told people, I'm a Communist. And I'm serious when I say that. I really am your ultimate bleeding heart. I believe in peace, love, equality, freedom, and understanding. They're the ideals I was raised on. As a human, you accept other people, take care of those in need, and love your neighbor as you would love yourself.

I believe in universal health care because I believe no one should suffer bad health because of a bad situation that's out of their control, and recognize that many Americans live on minimum wage and cannot afford decent coverage.

I support the right to choose because I believe no one has the right to have dominion over your body more than you do.

I support welfare because I recognize that there are hard-working people who need help and that a flawed system is better than no system.

I am anti-war (and pro-kittens) in 98% of cases (excluding, perhaps, the World Wars, Civil War, and the American Revolution, and even so, our actions in Hiroshima and Nagasaki were rather unforgivable), supporting war only when it is the only feasible path to peace and all other diplomatic channels have been exhausted, but I support our troops 100% and recognize that the sacrifices they have made for our country and our safety are more than I will ever have the opportunity to repay.

I support educational reform that begins at home, rather than beginning in the standardized testing rooms. I support educational reform that rewards progress, not reform that punishes failure or stagnation.

I support green reform and climate change legislation, because I like the planet I live on. I like having air I can breathe and not roasting. I like having snow in the winter. I like coastal regions remaining coasts instead of being engulfed by the water.

I support gay marriage rights because I believe that nothing but good comes from increased ability to love someone freely and happily.

I support legalization, because I believe there are many worse things to be in prison for than deciding to smoke pot.

I believe in internationalism and globalism. I believe that there are more important issues outside our borders than those we currently worry about within them. I believe in the importance of the UN, even if it lacks a lot of practical power. I believe NGOs and charities can change the world. I believe in human rights, not just for Americans, but for everyone. I believe in "Never Again," and I believe in stopping hatred at the source. I believe in the power the US has to change the game everywhere in the world. I believe we should exercise this power more often.

So...that's why I'm a democrat. If a Republican candidate ran who stood by these ideals, or even most of them, he (or she) would have my full support. These are the things I stand for as a human being. I hope that's okay with you.

On Love and Selfishness

In Bokononism, they have a term: a sin-wat. A sin-wat is a person who is greedy and wants all of a person's love, which is, according to the ideals of Bokononism, meant for everyone and meant to be shared. Unless, of course, you exist in a duprass, in which case, you have much bigger problems than wanting all of someone's love.

But this term brings me to today's thought. Is love selfish? Does love have a right to be selfish? Do you have to be truly selfish to really love someone else? And is it wrong to want all of someone's love to yourself?

I used to promote myself as a Bokononist. It's a religion (stemming from Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle) surrounding the ideals of pleasure, free love, and living by the innocent lies which allow you to be happy. One of the major ideals of this hedonistic view is very similar to the slogan of Huxley's Brave New World: that "Everyone belongs to everyone else."

I guess, recently, I've deviated from this ideal, because I've started to want very much to become the sin-wat that Mona Aamons Manzano would hate. A friend of mine said that to love anyone, you had to be selfish to truly want to make them happy: that to be in love, you had to put your interests, and thus the interests of your greatest interest (them), above anything or anyone else.

Aside from that, they say you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone. Isn't narcissism inherently selfish?

So does love really require selfishness and greed? Or is love meant to be shared and spread? Should we or should we not be sin-wats? Is it fair to categorically decide that?

I'm still not sure.

With love,
Rachel Leigh

On Secrets

This might seem a bit contradictory to my previous post. Surprisingly, though, it isn't, and once I outline my point, I'll explain why they make sense together.

A lot of the response to the views expressed in my last post were a little bit upset, I feel, because I didn't stress that honesty is always the best policy. I don't believe in secrets. I think secrets hurt the people they are kept from and do irreparable damage to the person keeping them. I rarely do keep secrets, and when I do, 99 times out of 100, it's because the secret isn't really mine to share.

For example, there was an inside joke between one of my best friends and I last year which revolved around a mutual secret. When people wanted to understand the joke, I would have explained it myself, not really caring about what a creep it made me look like. I have been through worse. This secret, however, was not merely mine to share. Because everyone who knew of the inside joke knew it was a mutual secret, if I had spread my secret, I would also have spread hers, and I cannot knowingly do that to someone I care about. Their secrets will always be safe.

Back to the point at hand, though. I think secrets are painful and altogether stupid. There shouldn't be anything that you need to keep a secret, because if you need to do so, you're clearly ashamed of it. I really don't think you should ever do anything you know you're going to be ashamed of.

How does this not contradict my policy on when honesty becomes selfish? Well, simple. The secret shouldn't be there in the first place. Those secrets gain the power to hurt people by being kept secret, and they amplify in power over time. There shouldn't be a secret to keep from someone you care about, but if there happens to be one, the longer it has been a secret, the more vital it becomes that it stay secret.

Secretly yours,
Rachel Leigh

On Honesty

Here's a fairly simple question with what I fear is a fairly complex answer: At what point does honesty become selfish?

My first instinct is to say that honesty is never selfish, because people lie to cover their own flaws, and so therefore, when they tell the truth, they expose themselves to criticism, drama, and hatred.

But I don't think that's true, completely. At first, lying is caused by an urge to mask one's flaws. But the need to confess your sins comes later: when the guilt from your web of lies and secrets finally overrides the shame and negative consequences you anticipate for yourself when your secrets are revealed. The people who have gotten to this point, however, find themselves in a peculiar situation: when you have lied for months or years or weeks or decades, exposing that lie hurts everyone in its presence.

I know. I hurt someone who cares very much about me, and now feels they cannot trust me, because I kept a secret for months and then decided to suddenly drop it with no regard for their feelings. I did it to clear my guilty conscience, to make my life easier, and to make myself feel better about the things I had done. But all it did was hurt other people.

Maybe you're supposed to suffer a guilty conscience when you've done something wrong and lied about it. Maybe it's supposed to keep you up at night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep and unable to bear being awake. Maybe that's your punishment for lying or cheating or stabbing someone in the back. And then, being honest to clear yourself of guilt you deserve, of suffering you've earned: that's just selfish. You'll hurt everyone in your path, and that's wrong. You have no right to ruin lives or break hearts or hurt others to clear your own soul.

So I suppose honesty can be selfish. Some secrets are better off kept, because opening up can mean opening up old wounds, creating new ones, or rubbing salt in ones that were just ready to heal. So either be honest from the start, or take your secrets to the grave.

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret,
Rachel Leigh