It's been six months since the last time I posted. I'm not sure what that says, considering that writing more was an overall goal of mine for the year. I wish I had a better reason than being tired and busy, which I think may just be a side effect of adulting.

These aren't really coherent thoughts, but I wanted to present a short list of things I've learned in my 25 years while I'm feeling kind of reflective.

1. Your heroes, even your biggest, most larger-than-life heroes, are people. They will make mistakes, and not always own them, and sometimes that will be okay.
2. Asking how someone is doing, and genuinely being interested in the answer, is one of the easiest things you can do to show you care.
3. You are under no obligation to make other people happy.
1. This is not open season to be a dick, though.
4. I am HORRENDOUSLY uncool. Accepting that you are uncool is the first step in living a slightly more liberated life. 
5. Sometimes self-care sucks: drink some water, take a shower, get out of bed, go to the doctor. It's good for you.
6. Sometimes self-care is great: bake cookies, eat cookies, take a bubble bath, pet a puppy. It's good for you.
7. Fighting is exhausting. Have fun with it or you'll burn out.
8. WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES AND SUNSCREEN.
9. See #8.

Why Hillary’s Emails Mattered, but Bush’s Didn’t (And Neither Will Trump’s)

You may have heard by now, but high-ranking aides in the Trump White House are using their RNC email accounts. This may have you wondering: isn’t this exactly what everyone wanted to lock Hillary up over? I assume you may be wondering that, because that’s what’s been all over my newsfeed recently. What you may or may not be aware of, however, is that aides and Cabinet officials, including former Secretary of State Colin Powell, did the same thing during the Bush administration. As did other Cabinet officials under Obama.

So why, then,did Hillary’s matter so much when others’ didn’t?
Spoiler alert: It’s sexism.

More importantly, it’s the pervasive idea that women are inherently duplicitous, untrustworthy, or unreliable when it comes to the truth. Whether this trend started with the story of Eve is a question for Biblical scholars to think about – but it certainly is advanced by that story. Eve tricks Adam into eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and thus expels them from Eden, damning the human race for all eternity.

In her essay, “Cassandra Among the Creeps” (also included in her book Men Explain Things to Me), Rebecca Solnit uses the story of Cassandra to talk about the pervasive belief that women lie and men are hurt by it. Cassandra, a character in the Iliad who plays a part in the Trojan War, is cursed by Poseidon to see the future – but have no one around her believe her premonitions. Thus, when she sees visions of Troy burning, people assume she is mad or lying. From Cassandra, she moves to the (routinely discredited) claim that rape victims often lie about their assaults (taking a brief side-trek into Freud, but we’ll forgive that).

So what does Cassandra have to do with Hillary’s emails? Well, if Solnit’s theory about the myth of the duplicitous woman is to be believed – and I’m inclined to believe it – then there is far more to fear from a woman who is hiding something than there is when a man does the same thing. We can arguably believe that a successful man will know how best to delineate official and unofficial communications when conducting some official business on another email address (and deleting some, or yknow, 22 million, of those emails). But we’re conditioned to believe that successful women must have somehow broken the rules to get to where they are. That something in the 30,000 missing emails must implicate her for the shady dealings she had to undertake to get to where she’s at. Because somehow we can simultaneously believe that women are already equal while assuming that most successful women have slept or schemed their way to the top.

Why We Can't Be Friends Anymore

So, you voted for Trump. You might not understand why this means we can't be friends anymore. But we can't. This might seem petty and selfish, but you voted for Trump.

And with that vote:

You told my friends that they are not welcome here. You told my friends that their families, their faith, their futures are not welcome here. You told my friends that their love isn't valid. You told my friends that their lives don't matter, or at least don't matter as much as others. You told my friends that they don't deserve love and respect if they still speak another mother tongue or if their skin is black or brown or if they choose to stand for themselves or the land that is rightfully theirs.

And with that vote:

You have decided that our children don't deserve a good education unless their parents can pay for it. You've decided that our children don't deserve clean water unless their parents can move them. You've decided that our children don't deserve treatment and care unless their parents can afford it. You've decided that our children don't deserve a habitable environment to eventually raise their own children.

And with that vote:

You undermined your promise that sexual assault survivors would get justice. You undermined your promise that I and other women could be and do anything. You undermined your promise to respect the Constitution and the nation that it stands for. You undermined your promise to protect those in need. You undermined your promise that the meek shall inherit the earth.

You made a choice. And with that vote, you decided you didn't need me in your life anymore.

REINS on the Presidency

Today, House Speaker Paul Ryan announced a bunch of awful thing, including trying to push through an ACA repeal and defunding of Planned Parenthood. But one thing flew a bit under the radar in all of that. He cited the REINS Act, a bill which passed the House back over the summer.

The goal of the REINS Act is explicit and problematic: to completely hobble the executive branch before Obama leaves office and cut the power of Cabinet offices. It's a complete power grab by Congress. The Act would require all major regulations put forward by Cabinet departments to require congressional approval (whereas Congress can currently reject regulations with a vote). This means things like the Title X protections for Planned Parenthood or education reforms would all require Congressional signoff - making them virtually impossible.

This is a problem. Make no mistake - this is not a well-intentioned checks-and-balances test by Congress. It is a political power grab against the first black President and its intention is to strip away the powers of executive branches run by an opposing party - a direct threat to our constitutional democracy. Be warned.

Self-Care Sucks

Self-care sucks sometimes. Not long ago, my office organized a self-care day (which not everyone could attend, which is its own kind of problem) and there were manicures and massages - and many people keep advocating for stress puppies.

But days like that always get me thinking, as conversations around self-care come up (go to yoga! Stay hydrated! Take a bubble bath!). Because that's only part of self-care.

The other part of self-care, and what I would say makes up about 75% of it, really sucks.

Yes, self-care means bubble baths. But it also means dragging yourself to the shower when you've been lying in bed for too long. It means forcing yourself to eat your vegetables when eating itself seems hard. If you only focus on the easy self-care, it ultimately won't improve your overall mental health - and this is a problem.

Because some of the times I've felt the best in the middle of a dark spot have been after I forced myself to do something that sounded completely unbearable in the moment.

On the other hand, self-care is really important right now - so take care of yourselves, loves.