On Skins and Adolescence

Last Monday was the premiere of the first episode of the last series of Skins.

For those of you who don't know, Skins has been one of my favorite shows since it first washed up stateside my junior year of high school.  I loved it for a lot of reasons, including, in large part, the fact that Nicholas Hoult played Tony Stonem in the first two series.

But really, what drew me in when it comes to Skins was the way they portrayed people my age.  Yes, the show was racy and definitely a lot more wild than my life (or anyone that I knew, really) was at the time.  But after years of seeing the 16-19 year-old years treated like nothing more than bad grades, shopping trips, and shenanigans learning to drive, it was amazing, to me, to see a show that portrayed its teenage characters as complex, autonomous characters.

The characters in Skins had the complicated backstories that are often associated with much more adult stories -- neglect, abuse, loss, joy, family.  They also had real, complex problems -- depression, suicide attempts, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, anxiety.  Skins was the first show I ever watched that treated my generation more like adults than children.  And it made me feel less alone.

The characters in Skins made real, complex decisions and those decisions had consequences.  Even now, with the final series and the reboot of some of the original characters in the specials Fire, Rise, and Pure, the characters, who have aged since the last time we saw them (Effy Stonem, for example, is now working for a high-powered investment bank instead of wreaking havoc on her high school/college), are facing adult issues with real consequences.  And I'm excited to see where it all heads.  In the meantime, I'm glad there is at least one show that presents adolescence as something more complicated than just that awkward time between when you're a little kid and when you become a full-fledged grownup.

I am speaking, of course, to the UK version of Skins.  The American adaptation that MTV tried to pull off was a laughable shadow of its British counterpart.

Culturally yours,
Rachel Leigh

Photo credits: 
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTYBodWpgle0hIMbsYTKZBIef1lk_al7HdSIl0M9y3YbcrKztrbOcs6rS6h_ljjHLyNVLRd4iLTTgeWdtjDvERAPRbmnP9ZaJmXw828mlGSCHE33zQT4n42ELHwRHwuXRjuQ_h43CcT9hr/s400/skins-cast-nagy.jpg
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOULGUtYct73gRdOX-Vqi0l4R-2m0WmNU-oxEkc1fmGUQ_PoZMromuPK7GvPTRjtj-ntC0VXmpVc7JF6hN-zfRfCS35S1EyeAIdVrEmTwJIwr2n5Q1Ni39Krh0I1AFyKy4qk60OpDARib6/s1600/article-0-0CA776D4000005DC-732_634x429.jpg

On Major Life Decisions

"Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome."

~Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Okay, hold the phone.  Who told everyone around me that it was okay to start getting engaged and married or popping out babies?  When did I miss the memo on this whole life-changing-decisions thing?

I feel like I've got my life in order when both my socks match and I wake up before noon.  How is it possible that people my age are making these huge decisions about spending the rest of their lives with someone?  Or multiple someones, apparently.

I guess I'm torn, because I've read a number of things about how this generation is wasting our 20s, because we think we have our whole lives ahead of us to make these huge decisions, so it doesn't matter if we don't settle down or figure our lives out.  And I rationally know that that really just isn't the case.  But I don't feel like I'm emotionally or personally ready to start making those kinds of choices.

And I think a lot of this comes down to another big difference between Denmark and the States -- because in Denmark, most people don't get married until their 30s, at least, and most people older than I am are still in college and figuring out their lives.  And I feel like that shouldn't be a crime.  But unfortunately, in our system, it seems like not having everything figured out already puts you behind the 8-ball.

So now I'm suddenly having these visions of browsing the Help Wanted ads and spending my nights searching cheap dating sites (since my broke, unemployed, imaginary butt clearly couldn't afford the good ones), taking care of cats that somehow came into my possession, hoping to figure out my life.  And it seems like it's way too soon for those kinds of thoughts.

I guess I'm just not sure if everyone else is moving too fast or if I'm just going too slow to keep up, but either way, my head is spinning and something seems off.  I really just want to watch some cartoons and play with Legos.

Peter Pan-ing with the best of 'em,
Rachel Leigh

On Happiness

It's been a month and a half back stateside, and today in class my professor brought up the fact that the Danes are the happiest people in the world.  Now, I've spent years trying to be the best possible version of myself.  The problem, I think, is that what I've considered the "best" version of myself has varied greatly at different times in my life.

I think at this point, my goal is just to try to be happy and to do the best I can within those confines.  And, for that, I'm trying to pull some lessons from my time in Denmark.

So, without further ado, Rachel's Keys to Happiness (The Danish Way):

• Don't Try to Do or Be Everything: This is completely antithetical to the UR way of life, and I know that.  I go to a school of over-achievers and the over-involved.  But from now on, I'm going to try and stick to only those things that I have the time to do and do well, rather than beating myself up for not having three majors, two minors, and being the president of six clubs.
• Don't Forget to Take Care of Yourself: I've noticed I feel a lot better about myself when I take the time to take care of myself -- to eat foods that make me feel good, drink enough water, work out.  They take up time, but I end up feeling like an entirely different person.
• Don't Judge Yourself in Comparison to Others: Thank you Jantelov.  This set of the tenets of Danish life come down to "Don't think you're better or smarter or more deserving than anyone else"...but at the same time realizing that it means you're no less of those things either.
• Don't Take Life Too Seriously: If there's one thing I really learned from the Danes, it's that when it comes to joking, nothing is off limits.  And not taking life or any one aspect of it too seriously is a struggle that I need to remind myself of on a regular basis -- but one that will ultimately leave me a lot less stressed and a lot happier.
• Don't Be Afraid to Take Some Time: Danes put off going to college longer than we do.  Danes put off marriage and kids longer than we do.  And that time to make the big decisions, I think, probably gives you some analytical distance and maturity to help make those decisions when the time is right.  I'm not as a afraid to not know RIGHT NOW what I want or need to do.
• LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS: The secret to happiness is low expectations. Seriously.

So that's the life goal right now -- live life just a bit more Danish (and embrace the happy that hopefully follows).  So I have the keys... now I just have to look for the locks.

Keyed in,
Rachel Leigh

On The Right to Slut

Four days ago, a blog post surfaced called "What the Right Doesn't Get About Elections."  I am not going to link you to it, mostly because I don't want the asshat's blog to get any more traffic than it already has.  What I will tell you is that The Guardian, Gawker, and Jezebel have all done response pieces that use actual excerpts from the post, and you should go find those.

Basically, what the post explains is that Romney lost because Barack Obama won the "Slut Vote," young, unmarried women.  These young, unmarried women take birth control, get breast exams and cancer screenings from Planned Parenthood, support their own or other women's rights to have dominion over their own uteri, are poor black women, rich white suburban brats, and single mothers.  And they want the government to pay for their "right to Slut."

Now, we've talked a bit about Slut Shaming here before, but let me reiterate what it means, despite the fact that it is not the main purpose of this post.  Slut shaming is the idea that a person's worth can be inversely correlated with the number of people they have slept with -- that the more partners or pre- or extra-marital encounters a person has, the less they deserve to be treated like a person.  This contributes, in large part, to the disgusting societal idea that a woman who is not a virgin cannot really be raped, that she "was asking for it."  Slut shaming is a problem.  A person's sexuality does not determine their worth.  You totally have a Right to Slut, if that is what makes you happy and seems like the right choice for you.  You also have a Right to Abstain, if saving yourself until marriage is something that really matters to you.  A person's sexuality, regardless of how it coincides with your personal beliefs, does not determine their worth as a person.

What we're really here to discuss today is Mr. "bskillet"s ideas of what defines a slut.  He points to women who are young and unmarried, because "older and married women vote Republican."  Clearly, every unmarried woman is a slut who wants the government to subsidize her promiscuity.  Despite the fact that many unmarried women either abstain or only have a single partner before they marry.  But clearly, SLUTS AHOY.  He goes on to say that poor, black women voted for Obama because he supports their rights to get government handouts for the babies they kept and have the government pay for the babies they didn't want.  The fact that this disgustingly frames all poor, black women as baby-machines that want to do nothing more than have sex and pop out children so the government will pay for them apparently eludes this man.  I also wonder if he's ever met a black woman or if he's only heard from Fox News about what they're like.  Actually, I'm just going to expand that to all women.

And theeen we get into my favorites: all women who take birth control or go to Planned Parenthood are irresponsible, promiscuous, rich, white brats.  The majority of Planned Parenthood's work includes important medical services like breast cancer screenings.  Last I checked, tumors don't care whether you're male, female, sexually-active, or celibate.  And free breast exams are the best kind of breast exams.

So not all women who go to PP are whores, but of course, why would you take birth control if you weren't slutting it up all over the place?  Well, aside from those women who, again, only have one partner but aren't ready to be parents, married women who are still on the pill because, again, they are unready to be parents, and girls who are exercising their perfectly healthy right to control their own sexuality without the risk of pregnancy?  Medical necessity.  The most common treatment for ovarian cysts?  Hormonal therapy - also known as birth control.  Debilitating cramps that leave you out of work or school for days?  Birth control.  Severe migraines?  Some doctors will suggest birth control.  Abnormal periods?  Birth control.  Bad acne, hair loss, breast sensitivity?  All can be treated with birth control.  There's this funny thing about birth control in that it contains large doses of estrogen and other synthesized female hormones -- which means that it's often exactly the right thing to fix whatever lady-problem you might be having.  None of these are problems that "putting an aspirin between your knees" is going to fix.

The takeaways here: not all women are sluts, there's nothing wrong even if they are, and the far Right REALLY needs a lesson in how birth control actually works.

Yours (But Still Entirely Mine),
Rachel Leigh, proud member of the apparent "Slut Vote"

On Election Day and the Political Climate

"When we start to imagine those who disagree with us as 'crazy' or 'evil' or 'traitorous,' it becomes difficult to compromise with them and difficult to listen to them; at times it can be even difficult to stay friends with them.  And hurling insults instead of having conversations about policy leads to a social order where no one can talk without screaming, and that, more than either candidate's tax plan, is dangerous."  --John Green

I'm just going to leave that there.  And also remind you that Tuesday is Election Day stateside.  Now, being across the freaking ocean means that I actually voted like a month ago, but that doesn't change the fact that all of my American darlings should take the half hour of inconvenience and go vote.  (Unless, of course, you are perfectly willing to not complain about ANYTHING your government does or does not do for the next four years: if that's really the way you feel, then your apathy makes me sad, but at least you won't not-vote and then be unhappy with the results.)

You have this one chance every four years (well, two years if you count Congressional elections, but still) - the chance to have a profound impact on the way the government is run for the next four years.  And I personally feel like you have a responsibility to act on that chance.  If you don't, and the country goes in a direction you dislike, it's kind of your own fault and you have no right to complain.

That being said, in any election, tensions run high, especially the closer to Election Day that you get.  It's just that the rhetoric and attitudes behind this election have gotten so divisive that it's honestly worrisome.  Right now both major-party candidates remain neck-and-neck in the polls, which means that with the zero-sum political system and the isolating attitudes that surround it, come Wednesday morning, there is a good chance that nearly half the population will feel completely disenfranchised by the results.  And that's not good.

Our political system derives its legitimacy from the idea that no matter who you vote for, your interests will still be taken into consideration and, if they're not, you have the chance to change things four years down the road.  And I think the attitudes that people have developed towards the opposing parties have undermined this basic faith.  Illegitimate governments lead to revolution, so if this happens, I sincerely hope that people's apathy and laziness outweighs their sense of outrage, because otherwise we're looking at four years of serious political turmoil.

Please keep in mind that regardless of who you vote for on Tuesday, you should vote, and remember that the people who don't vote the same way aren't any less human than you are.

Nervously yours,
Rachel Leigh

On Lessons I Learned From TV

TV taught me how to feel, now real life has no appeal.

Marina and the Diamonds has it right.  (Side note: Way to be real world for totally not recognizing my Halloween costume.)  I have spent way too much of my life watching television and feeling all the feels.  But thinking back on it I've realized I've learned some interesting lessons.

Things TV Taught Me:

1.  It's Never Lupus.  Except when it is.  Any House fan out there probably knows this.  It's like the fundamental rule of House.  I think the real takeaways from this, though, were that a) it's never as bad as it could be and b) no trope is safe from subversion.  Because it's never lupus.  Except for that one episode where it was totally lupus.
2. Don't Mess With the Girl Who Can Kill You With Her Brain.  River Tam is smarter than you.  She's a better fighter than you.  Also, she can kill you with her brain.  This crazy lady from Firefly is probably the biggest reason to never break the heart of a smart and emotionally unstable girl.  She will find you.  She will kill you.
3. When You're Sad You Should Stop Being Sad and Be Awesome Instead.  Okay, so it's not usually that simple.  But I have to give Barney Stinson some credit for this one... Sometimes the best way to get past being sad is to just pretend that you're not sad, force yourself to go do something fun, and let the fun make you actually not-sad.  Be awesome instead.  Also, a more important lesson from HIMYM: more people should suit up.  You look really classy, and I love that.  Also NPH is a god.
4. Even If You're Completely Nuts, Good Friends Will Love You Anyway.  Okay, so this isn't based off of a quote, but seriously.  Sheldon Cooper.  Gregory House.  Donna Noble.  Real friends love you for who you are, even if that means you are an absolute psycho sometimes.
5. Fictional Characters Are Better At Their Jobs Than Real People.  Jed Bartlet.  That is all.
6. And finally, it doesn't matter if it's non-canon, inappropriate, incest, against their sexual orientation, squicky, or if it involves inanimate objects, bending of fictional universes, or time travel.  Somebody Out There Ships It.

So all those hours watching TV on Netflix totally weren't wasted.  At all.  I promise.

I enjoyed this post, and while I was writing it, I started thinking of examples from books and movies, so there is a decent chance there will be future lists based around books and movies.

Your Favorite Couch-Potato,
Rachel Leigh

On "High School Never Ends"

Has anyone considered what high school reunions are going to be like for our generation?  Like, "Hey, uh, sorry I deleted you on Facebook" or "Yeah, I already knew you took that job in Boston because it showed up on my News Feed" or "I can't look at you the same way since you tweet constantly about your bowel movements."

The whole point of a high school reunion is to catch up with the people you cared about in high school, but thanks to our massively inter-connected world on the internet, there's really no "catching up" to do.  Anyone I still even slightly care about from high school is still my Facebook friend, probably also a connection on LinkedIn (because I am professional when it comes to my talent for doing nothing productive), on my Skype contact list, and potentially someone I follow on Twitter.  And everyone else, I really don't care about enough to want to reunite with them.

There's no room for some "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" stunt, because everyone already knows who you've become in the last *insert number of* years.



What are you talking about?
Of course I invented post-it notes and married a billionaire!

In all seriousness, though -- I can't even imagine what I would talk to people about at a high school reunion at this point.  Even with my friends, there's this sort of comfortable silence sometimes because we already know what's going on in everyone's lives.  And if that's the case, then what's the point?

Thankfully no longer in high school,
Rachel Leigh