On Skins and Adolescence

Last Monday was the premiere of the first episode of the last series of Skins.

For those of you who don't know, Skins has been one of my favorite shows since it first washed up stateside my junior year of high school.  I loved it for a lot of reasons, including, in large part, the fact that Nicholas Hoult played Tony Stonem in the first two series.

But really, what drew me in when it comes to Skins was the way they portrayed people my age.  Yes, the show was racy and definitely a lot more wild than my life (or anyone that I knew, really) was at the time.  But after years of seeing the 16-19 year-old years treated like nothing more than bad grades, shopping trips, and shenanigans learning to drive, it was amazing, to me, to see a show that portrayed its teenage characters as complex, autonomous characters.

The characters in Skins had the complicated backstories that are often associated with much more adult stories -- neglect, abuse, loss, joy, family.  They also had real, complex problems -- depression, suicide attempts, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, anxiety.  Skins was the first show I ever watched that treated my generation more like adults than children.  And it made me feel less alone.

The characters in Skins made real, complex decisions and those decisions had consequences.  Even now, with the final series and the reboot of some of the original characters in the specials Fire, Rise, and Pure, the characters, who have aged since the last time we saw them (Effy Stonem, for example, is now working for a high-powered investment bank instead of wreaking havoc on her high school/college), are facing adult issues with real consequences.  And I'm excited to see where it all heads.  In the meantime, I'm glad there is at least one show that presents adolescence as something more complicated than just that awkward time between when you're a little kid and when you become a full-fledged grownup.

I am speaking, of course, to the UK version of Skins.  The American adaptation that MTV tried to pull off was a laughable shadow of its British counterpart.

Culturally yours,
Rachel Leigh

Photo credits: 
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTYBodWpgle0hIMbsYTKZBIef1lk_al7HdSIl0M9y3YbcrKztrbOcs6rS6h_ljjHLyNVLRd4iLTTgeWdtjDvERAPRbmnP9ZaJmXw828mlGSCHE33zQT4n42ELHwRHwuXRjuQ_h43CcT9hr/s400/skins-cast-nagy.jpg
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOULGUtYct73gRdOX-Vqi0l4R-2m0WmNU-oxEkc1fmGUQ_PoZMromuPK7GvPTRjtj-ntC0VXmpVc7JF6hN-zfRfCS35S1EyeAIdVrEmTwJIwr2n5Q1Ni39Krh0I1AFyKy4qk60OpDARib6/s1600/article-0-0CA776D4000005DC-732_634x429.jpg

On Admitting Mistakes

I'm sure you've heard about the Kickstarter crap that blew up in the last couple of days.  Namely, that Kickstarter was funding a "seduction guide" which, at heart, boiled down to a guide to dating which advocated sexual harrassment and sexual assault.  My only note on this part of the issue is this: under no circumstances should you ever assume that touching someone or resorting to "physical escalation" is okay without first actually obtaining consent.  Some people don't even like being touched, let alone being pulled onto a stranger's lap, having their hair pulled, or any number of the displays of "dominance" this guide suggests.  Do not act first and ask questions later -- "physical escalation" without freely-given consent isn't "awesome" or sexy; it's sexual assault.

What I'm posting about is something that Microsoft did earlier in the week and Kickstarter did today: admitting they're wrong.  In the aftermath of a horrible backlash to the announcement of the DRM requirements on the new Xbox One console, Microsoft very publicly admitted their mistake and, after advice from gamers and users, removed the DRM from the console release.  And today, Kickstarter posted a public apology on their blog and made a $25,000 donation to RAINN in an attempt to reconcile their bad decision to fund the project mentioned above.

Is there a skeptical part of me that thinks these actions were only driven by the need to keep potential investors and users from refusing to spend money?  Absolutely.  But do I think there's something very brave and admirable about a company publicly admitting that they "done goofed"?  Absolutely.

My family and many of my friends will be the first to tell you that I am horrible about admitting when I'm wrong.  The thing is that many people (I have even heard this about the two previously-mentioned incidents) consider apologizing or admitting mistakes as a sign of weakness.  Which I don't understand.  The mistake may have been a weakness, but admitting that it happened and trying to make up for it is not.  If anything, trying to hide from those mistakes is a sign of cowardice, which is probably an even larger weakness.  And the ability to listen to criticism, change your course of action, and come forward and say "our first idea wasn't great and we're trying to do better" is not only admirable -- it's something I want to get better at.  Everybody has faults and makes mistakes, and it's about time we start respecting people for admitting they were wrong.

Faultily yours,
Rachel Leigh

On Major Life Decisions

"Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome."

~Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Okay, hold the phone.  Who told everyone around me that it was okay to start getting engaged and married or popping out babies?  When did I miss the memo on this whole life-changing-decisions thing?

I feel like I've got my life in order when both my socks match and I wake up before noon.  How is it possible that people my age are making these huge decisions about spending the rest of their lives with someone?  Or multiple someones, apparently.

I guess I'm torn, because I've read a number of things about how this generation is wasting our 20s, because we think we have our whole lives ahead of us to make these huge decisions, so it doesn't matter if we don't settle down or figure our lives out.  And I rationally know that that really just isn't the case.  But I don't feel like I'm emotionally or personally ready to start making those kinds of choices.

And I think a lot of this comes down to another big difference between Denmark and the States -- because in Denmark, most people don't get married until their 30s, at least, and most people older than I am are still in college and figuring out their lives.  And I feel like that shouldn't be a crime.  But unfortunately, in our system, it seems like not having everything figured out already puts you behind the 8-ball.

So now I'm suddenly having these visions of browsing the Help Wanted ads and spending my nights searching cheap dating sites (since my broke, unemployed, imaginary butt clearly couldn't afford the good ones), taking care of cats that somehow came into my possession, hoping to figure out my life.  And it seems like it's way too soon for those kinds of thoughts.

I guess I'm just not sure if everyone else is moving too fast or if I'm just going too slow to keep up, but either way, my head is spinning and something seems off.  I really just want to watch some cartoons and play with Legos.

Peter Pan-ing with the best of 'em,
Rachel Leigh

On Happiness

It's been a month and a half back stateside, and today in class my professor brought up the fact that the Danes are the happiest people in the world.  Now, I've spent years trying to be the best possible version of myself.  The problem, I think, is that what I've considered the "best" version of myself has varied greatly at different times in my life.

I think at this point, my goal is just to try to be happy and to do the best I can within those confines.  And, for that, I'm trying to pull some lessons from my time in Denmark.

So, without further ado, Rachel's Keys to Happiness (The Danish Way):

• Don't Try to Do or Be Everything: This is completely antithetical to the UR way of life, and I know that.  I go to a school of over-achievers and the over-involved.  But from now on, I'm going to try and stick to only those things that I have the time to do and do well, rather than beating myself up for not having three majors, two minors, and being the president of six clubs.
• Don't Forget to Take Care of Yourself: I've noticed I feel a lot better about myself when I take the time to take care of myself -- to eat foods that make me feel good, drink enough water, work out.  They take up time, but I end up feeling like an entirely different person.
• Don't Judge Yourself in Comparison to Others: Thank you Jantelov.  This set of the tenets of Danish life come down to "Don't think you're better or smarter or more deserving than anyone else"...but at the same time realizing that it means you're no less of those things either.
• Don't Take Life Too Seriously: If there's one thing I really learned from the Danes, it's that when it comes to joking, nothing is off limits.  And not taking life or any one aspect of it too seriously is a struggle that I need to remind myself of on a regular basis -- but one that will ultimately leave me a lot less stressed and a lot happier.
• Don't Be Afraid to Take Some Time: Danes put off going to college longer than we do.  Danes put off marriage and kids longer than we do.  And that time to make the big decisions, I think, probably gives you some analytical distance and maturity to help make those decisions when the time is right.  I'm not as a afraid to not know RIGHT NOW what I want or need to do.
• LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS: The secret to happiness is low expectations. Seriously.

So that's the life goal right now -- live life just a bit more Danish (and embrace the happy that hopefully follows).  So I have the keys... now I just have to look for the locks.

Keyed in,
Rachel Leigh

On My Life As a Domestic Goddess (Or: Cupcake-Decorating 101)

This post is completely unrelated to what I normally post, but then again, I normally post whatever anyway.

If you know me, you know I like to bake.  If you REALLY know me, you know I worked as a cake decorator for four years and still take my decorating very seriously (especially on my cupcakes).  As such, I've gotten a couple questions on everything from the materials and techniques I use to the virtues of professional training.

So, here are Rachel's Tips and Tricks for decorating:

1. Buy cheap pastry bags and good decorating tips.  A cheap decorating tip will warp, bend, clog, and generally be a pain to work with.  Invest in sturdy ones.  Pastry bags, on the other hand, are disposable.  Even if you take excellent care of them, they rip, fray, and stain after a couple uses.  If you have to choose where to splurge and where to save, splurge on the decorating tips.  If it comes down to it, you can even use a Ziploc bag with the corner cut off to save money on pastry bags.
2. Know your materials and how they behave.  Cold, stiff frosting is harder to work with, but it holds up better than a warmer frosting, which wilts, melts into the cake, and falls apart if you look at it funny.  Don't try to use cookie frosting on a cake -- they behave completely differently and serve different purposes.
3. Practice and experiment.  It took me a good six months before I could pipe a frosting rose that didn't smoosh up or fall apart the second my hand moved.  Everything from learning the amount of pressure needed to pipe certain shapes and patterns to deciding if a design that looks cool in your head actually works in reality requires practice and a willingness to experiment.
4. Don't be afraid to get messy.  I worked one shift in high school where I had to leave immediately after to go set up and help out with senior class graduation, and it took me 12 hand washes and a shower to scrub all of the food coloring and icing off of my hands and arms.  You WILL end up covered in food coloring and having to wipe down your work station a lot, but it gets neater and easier with practice.  Don't wear anything you'd be horrified to see ruined until the mixer and food dye is safely away.

That's it for now.  If you guys like this kind of post, let me know and I might do more of them!  In the meantime, here is a picture of the cupcakes I made yesterday:

Letting them eat cake,
Rachel Leigh

On "High School Never Ends"

Has anyone considered what high school reunions are going to be like for our generation?  Like, "Hey, uh, sorry I deleted you on Facebook" or "Yeah, I already knew you took that job in Boston because it showed up on my News Feed" or "I can't look at you the same way since you tweet constantly about your bowel movements."

The whole point of a high school reunion is to catch up with the people you cared about in high school, but thanks to our massively inter-connected world on the internet, there's really no "catching up" to do.  Anyone I still even slightly care about from high school is still my Facebook friend, probably also a connection on LinkedIn (because I am professional when it comes to my talent for doing nothing productive), on my Skype contact list, and potentially someone I follow on Twitter.  And everyone else, I really don't care about enough to want to reunite with them.

There's no room for some "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" stunt, because everyone already knows who you've become in the last *insert number of* years.



What are you talking about?
Of course I invented post-it notes and married a billionaire!

In all seriousness, though -- I can't even imagine what I would talk to people about at a high school reunion at this point.  Even with my friends, there's this sort of comfortable silence sometimes because we already know what's going on in everyone's lives.  And if that's the case, then what's the point?

Thankfully no longer in high school,
Rachel Leigh

On Internships

Do you know why they have interns in movies and television shows constantly running for coffee? Because I do. They’re attempting to demonstrate the menial and occasionally demeaning work that interns have to do for little or no pay. But the funny thing is, if they actually accurately depicted what an intern does most days, they would have no viewership.


I WISH my day involved going on coffee runs, sometimes. Want to know what I did today? Hand to heaven, I spent Four. Hours. stamping papers and then moving those papers to the bottom of a stack of papers.

Getting coffee is glamorous compared to what I’ve done as an intern. Which is, in all honesty, literally anything. Licking envelopes, checking information, lugging boxes up and down from the attic, making databases, using databases, crying in a corner intermittently, and other various bizarre and not-at-all glamorous tasks.

This would all be slightly better if a) I didn’t have to get up at 6:40 every morning and b) didn’t have to dress for the off chance that I run into someone important every day. YOU try doing manual labor in dress shoes, tell me how you like it.

And the best part is, I get to do it all again tomorrow.

In all honesty, though, I think I’ve lucked out. I’ve never had a job that I absolutely hated, and the bizarre internships I’ve had are certainly included. Sure, I’m not doing the most exciting work, but I have always loved the people I’ve worked with and, hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

Complainingly yours,

Rachel Leigh

On My Psychotic Resume

If, in addition to being one of my darling readers, you happen to be friends with me on Facebook, then you probably know that two weeks ago, I was obsessing over my resume and the fact that my job history makes NO sense.

Honestly, I blame that mostly on necessity -- I took the jobs that were available because I needed them, and I took the opportunities that were there because they were there.  So much of what they teach us in school/college these days revolves around preparing for your future: you need work experience in high school because it looks good on your college applications, then you need internships and good grades in college because they look good for graduate school.  And god forbid, you don't get that summer internship in DC because then how will you ever rise to the top of the Democratic Party and then become the youngest President in U.S. history?  And they drill this into us.  Even today, at the orientation I had to attend to study abroad in the fall, they stressed thinking about how this experience will relate to your future career plans.

Which is why I say my resume makes no sense.  There is literally NO cohesion between one entry and the next.  I've gone through 9 different jobs and internships, some paid, some unpaid.  Mostly paid.  I took a minimum wage job because I needed the money.  I took an internship for a science museum because it was offered to me.  I've been a camp counselor and an office monkey, a research intern and a writing consultant.  And I don't want to hide any of it.  Those weird jobs and internships made me who I am.  Thanks to that weird resume, I have worked alongside dinosaurs, improved my communication skills (and to some degree, my patience), learned how to decorate cakes, learned way more about the human spine than I think I ever needed to know, gotten passionate about how terrible mental health care is at highly competitive universities, learned to mine a client database, and been background checked more times than most kids my age.  I wouldn't be the potential employee I am, or the blogger I am, or the person I am if I hadn't had so many odd experiences that weren't supposed to relate to my future plans.

And so I think it's kind of messed up that there's this drive to already know what you want to do with your life and have it all figured out.  I think it's crazy that you're expected to already be set on this path and ready to go from before you even go to college.  I still have no idea what I want or how any of the crazy jobs or hobbies I've had in the past will relate to what I decide to do.  But I want to do them.  All of them.  Just because there's no way to know how they might shape who I turn out to be.

Wandering, but not lost,
Rachel Leigh