On TV and Hormones

There must be some clause in every television writer's contract that says that, if you write for a television series aimed at anyone from their early teens to their late twenties, you must have one episode entitled "Let's Talk About Sex."

In this episode, the main character (or even several members of the cast) have some sort of crazy sexual awakening that ultimately leads to "the Talk" with either their partner or their parents, and several uncomfortable hijinks ensue for all involved! It's super funny and super awkward! Lol hormones and condoms!

As of right now, there are at least 8 series which have had this same episode, and while Salt 'n' Pepa gave us all a great song title with which to encompass this extraordinarily old plot device, it's time to give it a rest. It's a cliche title for a cliche idea, which reflects a time when most kids didn't have access to sex education -- or the Internet. No one's first exposure to the idea of condoms or birth control or STDs or pregnancy is from The Talk anymore. Sex Ed, 16 and Pregnant, every teen show on television, and Wikipedia have all made sure of that. (Of course, that still doesn't insure people will be safe about it, either.). Sure, the Talk is still a big moment in any coming of age show. I doubt there will ever be a time in history when talking to your parents about sex isn't uncomfortable. But there are less cliche ways to address the issue. Or at least come up with a new title. I really like the sound of "Lol Hormones and Condoms!"

Unclichedly yours,
Rachel Leigh

On "Nerd or Hipster?"

Big, thick-rimmed glasses used to be a pretty big giveaway that someone was a nerd.  Combine that with a button-up shirt, pocket protector, and pants that are a bit too short, and suddenly the "Revenge of the Nerds" theme song starts playing in the background.  But thanks to the advent of hipsters, who also seem to rock the too-short pants and the heavy-framed glasses, it's become a bit harder to tell the difference.  So, as promised by an earlier post, let me teach you how to tell if that guy you've just spotted is a nerd or a hipster.

• If he looks like he hasn't showered in the last week: hard to call. Potentially either.
• If he's rocking the "computer tan," that absurdly pale complexion that only comes from spending far too long inside (we're pretty sure at this point that eventually the screen sapping the tan from your skin as a form of ritual sacrifice): Definitely a nerd.
• If he's wearing a My Little Pony shirt:
• Ironically: Hipster
• Unironically: Brony. Run.
• If he references a band you've never heard of: Hipster
• UNLESS it's K-Pop, J-Rock, J-Pop, or from the soundtrack of any major video game, in which case Nerd.
• If he kind of looks like Skrillex: Hipster. Also likely a girl.
• If he references Star Wars, Harry Potter, Back to the Future, or ANY movie in the strain of WarGames, Hackers, or Revenge of the Nerds: Nerd. Also, he has great taste in movies and you should probably ask him out like right now.
• If he references any movie by Wes Anderson: Hipster. Also, he has great taste in movies too.  (Hey, I'm just a fan of good movies.)
• If he's wearing a wolf t-shirt
• And looks like a member of a one-man wolfpack: Nerd.
• And pairs it with a pack of Parliaments/Spirits and an ironic sense of humor: Hipster

And thus ends another horribly stereotypical post from me.  For the record, I love both nerds and hipsters, but sometimes this is a legitimate question (and also a game I frequently play when people-watching).

If anyone is interested in another one of these kinds of posts, let me know!

DFTBA,
Rachel Leigh

On "Gay or Hipster?"

I like art and music.  As such, I often find myself in places full of hipsters.  As such, when I'm at a concert, or an art show, or even just out with friends, if I see a well-dressed, reasonably attractive guy, I'm confronted with a question -- is he gay or just a hipster?  (This is not, of course, to mean that the two are mutually-exclusive.)  As such, I've decided to give you, my darling readers, a list of possible ways to tell the difference.

• If he's wearing a bow-tie:
• And looks like Doctor Who or a lumberjack: hipster.
• And looks like Blaine Anderson: probably gay.
• If he compliments your taste in music: probably a hipster.
• UNLESS it's Lady Gaga, Cher, or Madonna, in which case, probably gay.
• If he admits to appreciating Carly Rae Jepsen un-ironically: either gay or a frat boy, but definitely not a hipster
• If he's at a museum:
• With his mother: avoid at all costs.
• With his girlfriend: hipster (and likely whipped)
• With his boyfriend: gay (duh)
• If he's wearing a "SOME __ MARRY ___.  GET OVER IT." t-shirt: gay.  Or just awesome.  Or both.

And now that I've offended a good number of people, we'll end this list.  Feel free to email or comment with more ways to tell the difference, and make the lives of single girls who are attracted to well-dressed men everywhere easier.  Because in a world of Neil Patrick Harrises, Matt Bomers, Tyler Oakleys, and more, we need to stand a fighting chance.

Tune in again for "Nerd or Hipster" when I tell you how to know if that guy in the wolf t-shirt is doing so ironically or because he's a member of a one-man wolfpack.

Best of luck,
Rachel Leigh

On The Things I Assume About You Based on Where You Study

You know that scene in Mean Girls when Janice and Damien are explaining the layout of the cafeteria to Cady, going around and pointing out all of the stereotypes and social groups?  Of course you do, because it's one of the greatest scenes in a movie that will define our generation.  My school is kind of like that.  And while I could go on for days about the stereotypes about the layout of our dining hall, I have something else to vent about.

With finals right around the corner and the entire population of the school (except the seniors who are so close to graduating that you can physically feel the number of f*cks they do not give) is going to start marking territory around Boatwright like some possessive, tiny-bladdered puppy, it seemed like the right time to do this.  I give you: "Partially-Unfounded Assumptions I Make About You Based on Where You Study"

• Boatwright (the Library): As a general rule, you're checking Facebook more than your textbook and probably using 8:15 and potty breaks as just another excuse to procrastinate.  Then again, so are the rest of us.  But there's more to it than that.
• B2: Aww...the group study area.  Couples that want to be obnoxiously coupley in the not-so-private privacy of the bottom level, a couple awkward study rooms, and the bathroom that people use when they really need to poop and don't want to be around other people.
• B1: Fratstars and the sorority biddies who love them (also known as the B-school in exile).  Also, the socially awkward people who actually WANT to sit and study on the silent floor.  I assume you have no social skills, no friends, and a generally sad future ahead of you.
• First Floor
• Open Area: I get it.  You're here with your sorority fam and you'll get on each other's cases to get work done after you finish catching up on the gossip you couldn't catch up on at chapter, fam dinner, and that time you got lunch like two hours ago.
• Quiet Section: Also known as the "We came here to get shit done" section of the library.
• Second Floor 
• Open Area: Frat guys and loud Internationals.  It's funny that you expected to get work done.
• Quiet Section: No really, who ARE you people?  I'm pretty sure I've never seen you in my life, probably because you never leave this room, and PLEASE stop glaring at me for slamming the bathroom door.  I can't help it that it's so dead silent in here that you could hear a fly land on a table.
• MRC: Don't even pretend you're doing anything other than checking Facebook and watching movies.  I can see your computer screen.
• Gottwald (Science Building): I assume your life is sad, you probably haven't slept in anything other than that chair in the lobby in about a week, and I'm sincerely concerned about the last time you showered.
• The B-School: You couldn't even detach yourself from outside Dean's office door and dress like a college student rather than my 40 year old math professor long enough to leave the B-School to study somewhere else.  You worry me.
• Your Dorm Room: You say "studying," I say "watching Netflix and ordering Jimmy Johns"

So, there you have it.  My in-depth explanations of the extent to which I judge you, based solely on where you could find a place to sit.  See you all in Boatwright, complaining about the temperature as always and sobbing uncontrollably over my Statistics study guide, in a few days.

Finally,
Rachel Leigh