I've been thinking a lot about respect recently. It started with a video about the influence of teachers and made me think about why I respect those who have taught me and why others fail to respect them. I've thought about respect for feelings and respect for boundaries. I've thought very deeply about respect for king and country (or, well, I mean, I don't live in a country with a king, but I think you know where I'm going with that).
I've thought about what it takes to earn my respect. If you do not treat me like a child, I will respect you as an equal who deserves the adult they have deigned to acknowledge. If you accept that I have clear boundaries -- physically, emotionally, psychologically -- then I will respect that their are lines that you may also not want me to cross.
But those are the things it takes to earn my respect. And I've also started to wonder if that, too, is a flawed concept. Because in expecting you to respect those needs, the only reason I can cite is that I am a full, complex human being, deserving of respect. But then so is everyone else: full, complex human beings who, while I may not understand their positions, have reasons and origins as complex as mine and just as deserving of being respectfully heard out.
And, I suppose, what I've come to is something of a middle. On the one hand, I feel like there are positions and opinions undeserving of respect. On the other, however, people are not simply their views and opinions.
What I guess I'm trying to say is that, while I have always seen respect as something earned, I'm beginning to question if that's the right way of seeing things. Does respect for a person have to entail respect for their beliefs or choices? If not, are there people undeserving of respect?
I'd be lying if I said I knew.
Thoughtfully yours,
Rachel Leigh
This is a blog about things, about thinking about things, about talking about things, and about being as snarky and poignant as I can manage. I hope you enjoy it.
I think this is a really good question and something I find myself thinking about from time to time. I heard something someone said at a forum once and I really liked it: there is a difference between treating someone with respect and having respect for them. For me, this means that everyone deserves to be treated with respect; as you said we are all full, complex human beings. However, this does not mean that I have respect for you. It simply means I will not treat you as less than human because of it. Maybe this too is a flawed concept, I'm not sure. I would love to hear your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI actually really like that way of thinking about it. Like I said, my musings on the topic were pretty inconclusive. Under no circumstances do I think it's okay to treat someone as less than human, but on the other, I find it hard to respect people like Fred Phelps (for example) whose way of life revolves around treating others with disrespect and contempt. Thanks so much for your thoughts, anonymous commenter! I'd love to continue this conversation.
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