As someone with "legs for days" (to quote some of my best friends), I always struggled to find shorts that did not violate the school dress code growing up. I think this may have played into my insistence on wearing jeans year-round...I got used to being told my legs needed to be covered.
In the wake of a rash of yoga pants-bans in high schools, I really got to thinking about school dress codes.* And in the wake of a subreddit that asked rapists for "their side of the story," I got to thinking about rape culture and victim blaming.** And thinking about the two together got me...angry.
Let me preface this by saying that there is nothing wrong with telling your son or daughter what they can and cannot wear, especially when they are children. Determining what is and is not appropriate clothing to wear to school, work, or outside the home is a conversation that parents should absolutely have with their children, and is a decision that should be reached based on a child's age, comfort level, body type, economic status, etc. There is nothing wrong with this.
There is also nothing inherently wrong with having a dress code in place which defines what is and is not allowed to be worn on school grounds. Offensive clothing, clothing that violates public decency laws, clothing that is dangerous (I actually totally support flip flop bans) are absolutely a problem in schools. However, the problem comes in when it comes to how these issues are approached, explained to students, and justified in the code of conduct.
Yoga pants or my shorts do not violate a dress code because they are dangerous. They are written into the rules because they are "distracting" and you "don't know how they'll affect the boys." And this is where the problem comes in. Because a society that starts out by telling a twelve-year-old that she cannot wear a particular kind of sweatpants because the shape of her butt is going to force the boys to stop paying attention doesn't stop there.
It becomes the same culture that tells a girl in Steubenville, Ohio that the fact that she was repeatedly raped by two young men was her fault because she should have known that getting drunk around boys was going to put her in a bad situation. It builds into a culture where what she's wearing and the fact that she's drinking mean she's a "whore" who was "asking for it" and should have been charged for underage drinking.***
There is nothing wrong with having a discussion with your kids about what is age-appropriate or appropriate for certain settings when it comes to clothing. But the second you start to contextualize that discussion in the realm of "how will it affect the others," you play into a culture that normalizes sexual assault. Someone's inability to control their own actions is their fault and their problem, no one else's.
Yours,
Rachel Leigh
*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/09/leggings-ban-kenilworth-junior-high-california_n_3046043.html
**http://jezebel.com/5929544/rapists-explain-themselves-on-reddit-and-we-should-listen
***http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/23-people-who-think-the-steubenville-rape-victim-is-to-blame
This is a blog about things, about thinking about things, about talking about things, and about being as snarky and poignant as I can manage. I hope you enjoy it.
I completely agree with everything in this, and I think the usual polarization of any issue in this country makes it dangerous for people to have an opinion that is not necessarily black or white but some shade of gray.
ReplyDeleteAs I said, I totally agree with all you said, but I also agree that people should know that drinking and driving or drinking in certain social areas or situations definitely imposes risks. I am not blaming the victim or taking any blame from the perpetrators--especially in this appalling case, where the closest greater metropolitan area of a true city is technically Pittsburgh (It is thus even more appalling on a personal level). I am just saying that people need to be educated and aware that--though the behavior of others is not under their control and victims are not at fault, nor perpetrators less guilty--even though it is obviously one of the most heinous crimes, you are still putting yourself at much greater risk of being the next victim in such areas. I wish the whole world were safe, but it obviously isn't, and some places are safer than others. This holds true for war, culture clash, and yes, sexual assault.